Thursday, January 29, 2009

Black Women vs Black Women

I don't think I'm the only one that experiences this, but I have to now question out loud why there is this air of hostility between black women who don't even know each other in public? Here is what I'm talking about....

I can get on a bus, train, walk into a store, or just pass by a sister on the street, and when our eyes meet, there's this mean, hard, nasty look directed at me.... like it's a challenge. There's pure hostility in the eyes of this stranger, another black woman just like me, who doesn't even know my name, but from those daggers she's shooting, you'd think we had some type of violent history and were sworn enemies. Now, I need to say, this is not the case with all sisters out there, but with enough of them to have me here talking about it. This is something I've experienced for YEARS.

Like today...I go to get on the M60 bus, and as I step on and glance at people I'm passing in the aisle, my eyes meet with those of three different black women...and there's that same mean, hard look as they look back at me...and it's like WHOA! As many times as I've experienced this, today it really made me think. Why are sisters so hostile towards each other? Is it just a New York thing? I can also tell you that sometimes when I sit across from a group of BW on the train or bus, this shit starts... where they start talking about me, my hair, my clothes, my shoes...and just loud enough for me to hear it, and I'm like WTF?? What the f* is this? Once again, something I've experienced innumerable times. Other black women have told me similar stories.

So. I just have to your insecurity really that deep? I don't get it, and another thing I observe is that white women don't do this shit to each other. White females ride the bus, train, walk down the street, go about their business and barely pay attention when another WW is in their presence. It's a non event. They're busy reading their book, playing with their Blackberry or staring off into space. I don't see these dagger looks pass between them, and even when a group of them are together, I don't see them singling out some lone chick on the train to try to start some shit with.
What's up with this, sistas? And you KNOW who you are, the ones that engage in this type of behavior. What's up with the constant hostile rivalry? The looks? The comments? What are you really trying to prove?
Why do we treat each other this way? I really don't get it. This is one reason why I won't live in a black neighborhood. I know I'd be fighting silly bitches from sunup to sundown. On one side, I'm dealing with the disrespectful guys harassing, catcalling and talking about my ass every time I walk down the street, and on the other, I gotta deal with chicks with ridiculous attitude problems. Why? Why does it have to be like this?

Back to the sistas...

Now, when you're shooting me that mean hard look, hell yeah, my face hardens right back at you. When you stare me down like a psycho, I give it right back (although, nowadays I mostly just don't even look at most sistas too hard...for these same reasons). But I'm thinking "WTF is your problem"? Do you even know me? Guess what, girl..
I am NOT the enemy. I never was. And if you took the time to think, you'd realize that we have much bigger fish to fry than to be out here hating each other and trying to tear each other down with a sharp stare, acid look or snarky comment. There are plenty out here that would rather see us disappear completely off the face of the earth. We CAN'T be trying so hard to be enemies. Sometimes we are all we've got.

I've actually had discussions with other black female friends of mine about this, and it's something that happens with more regularity than we'd like to admit.
My friend Amina and I talk about this a lot. She gets it, too. And my girl is one of the nicest, friendliest people you'll ever meet. We just chalk it up to "bitches be hatin'". But seriously? What the f* for? I'm not a millionaire or some big star. I'm just another person out here trying to make it another day, week, month, and if I'm lucky, year of life. Just like you. So what's the damn problem? Trust me, it's not me. I'm not the one that's making your life hard. From what I see, you're capable of doing that all by yourself.

Get it together, black women that are out here acting out. You know who you are, and you need to stop. Uplift yourself, educate yourself, learn some better things to DO with yourself, and you won't be out here acting so damn silly.


Strongblkwmn Friday, January 30, 2009  

This has definitely happened to me. I don't understand it either. It hurts because we have to many other issues in our community to be acting so damned silly. It's the crabs in a barrel syndrome that seems to seep through a lot of our people's veins. It's sad.

I have to say i've experienced both sides of the coin. I've sat across from sistas on the train and we've smiled at each other. I've gotten into nice conversations on the bus or while standing on line somewhere. We're not all crazy. It's just that the stupid asses are so annoying that you notice them more.

The Fitness Diva Friday, January 30, 2009  

Hey, remind me that there is another side of the coin. I have also had some positive experiences and exchanges with random black women out in public, but those incidents are rare.
For some reason, I tend to run into more of the knucklehead variety!

I do hope it changes some damn day!;)

Anonymous,  Friday, January 30, 2009  

I dont get it.Other races can be jealous of each other but no one hates on each other as much as African Americans. If a sister thinks you are one bit cuter than you she will look you up and down like you took her man or something

Strongblkwmn Saturday, January 31, 2009  

I heard some women on the bus talking about this very subject and it brought me back to your post. It would be great if we could get it together.

I totally agree with Mina. We definitely hate on each other way too much. Why is it like that? It's so sad.

BeadedTail Saturday, January 31, 2009  

I didn't have any idea this type of behavior existed. I read this post last night and because it's something I never experienced I didn't even know what to comment. I still don't know what to say but your post certainly has had me thinking since I read it. I appreciate you sharing your experiences.

The Fitness Diva Tuesday, February 03, 2009  

I appreciate you stopping by, Beaded.
Yes, there are things going on in some communities that you just don't know about unless you're there.
I have a lot of theories as to why there is so much insecurity in certain women that I encounter, but that would take up a whole other looonng post!
I swear, if it weren't so cold in the North Pole, I'd live up there!
Bet people are much warmer to each other in places where they've got harder issues to deal with, like sub zero temperatures! ;)

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