Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The Joy of Being Single....cont'd

Ha! Knew that would get your attention! ;) By the way, I changed the title so that Google doesn't think I'm up to some tomfoolery here... ;)

However, this IS more of a personal post, and not my usual offering of weight loss and fitness tips that you usually read here. Actually, this blog started out on a VERY personal note, and then somehow evolved into the fitness blog that it is now. Hey, might as well blog what you know, right?

Anyway, as I read a multitude of blogs out here before the holidays, I see that many of you are enjoying the whole family angle of these last days of the year. However, my family (the bulk of it) is in North Carolina, and I, at this time, am a happily single woman.
So. What do single people do during the holidays? Hmmmmm...? Wouldn't you married, house full of kiddies folks like to know? Maybe you could care less, but I'm gonna share anyway!

Before we go there, I first need to color in a few things. The FD (me) has been happily single for a while now. I was once married years ago, and have been divorced for over 10 years now. No regrets on the marriage or the divorce. It provided a great life experience for me, and my ex husband is a good person - we were just not the right people for each other. We figured that out after tying the knot. I wish him well. No bitterness on either side. He rocks, but I wouldn't marry him today if he were still single. We're just too different. Attraction, lust, need and curiosity at the right time and place brought us together. The reality of who we really are (and were) tore us apart.
Outside of that marriage, I was also later engaged to be married. That ended up not working out, and did end bitterly. C'est la vie.

I've been in both good relationships and bad ones. The bad ones, I got out of quickly. Always been a smart girl in that department. I, being the force of nature that I am, cannot be with anyone that is controlling, manipulative, disloyal, misogynistic, dishonest, incompassionate or insecure. I am kryptonite for those types of men, thank God! ;)

I don't ever want to be married again. Not that my marriage was bad. I just know who I am, and who I am is a person that LOVES being single. Having had a taste of both, I know exactly what works in my life. And being single is IT.

What I love about being single:

Being able to wake up whenever I feel like it
Not having to cook unless I want to
Not having to look sexy and cute until I feel like it!
Not having to worry when I gain weight, or hear about it
Having sex on MY time schedule (I know some of you ladies feel me on that!)
Not having to clean, wash dishes, do laundry or cook until I decide it's time
Always getting to watch ALL the shows I like on TV ALL THE TIME
Not having to pick up and clean up behind another grown person
Not having to answer questions about why I do anything that I do
Making decisions about my life and time without having to confer with ANYONE
Never having to explain - ANYTHING! ;)
Getting to eat what I want and like for breakfast, lunch and dinner EVERY DAY (and all day long)
Not having to hide in the bathroom or discreetly step into the next room when I get gas
Not having to worry or be self conscious when I get my period
On that note, being able to belch, fart, and just be all out GROSS when the moment dictates
Not having to entertain another's opinion on the direction of my life
Being able to have a cat, dog, or whatever the hell I want (my ex hated cats)
Not having to worry about what mood he's in, and why, what more I need to do to please him, the state of our relationship, or how to keep the excitement and magic alive.
No changing of diapers. For ANYONE, young or old.
Being so free and unencumbered that it should be illegal (and actually is for women in certain countries)
I could go on....

I feel blessed to be SINGLE! And that's no bullshit, folks. I tell you the complete, unedited TRUTH!

Now... I do keep a 'friend'.
A cool guy that has to travel for work once or twice a week. A banker, hanging on tooth and nail right now to his job. A good lookin', easy going, slim bodied, accomplished man that makes no demands on me, 'cause he can't. He's too busy in his career, jumping through hoops to keep his job, working to ascend the corporate ladder and please his bosses. And who accepts me just as I am. Doesn't try to change a thing about me. Is ridiculously excited to be with me when we're together, and has no hesitation about showing it. Will stay overnight, or leave if I ask. Is always a gentleman, no matter what. Gives me whatever I want when I ask. LOVE that!
I know I sound spoiled, but hey, I'm a Diva, remember? ;)

That's all I ever want on occasion! Someone who isn't up my ass about what I'm doing, where I'm going, where I've been and who I'm with when he's not here, and vice versa! The only commitment here is that of mutual respect. No expectations, no demands. And that's how I like it.
Our alliance works, and before him, there was another just like him. That one ended up moving to Cali. For his job. I purposely pick those types, because I know that I don't want to be in a relationship, and it works! ;)

I'm still human.... I DO like to have someone calling me and checking up on me at least once or twice a week, but just do not need that 24-7. Also, I'm a girly girl, and like to get sexy when the mood strikes (after I'm done blogging!). I enjoy having someone to be a little excited about. I like knowing that someone I feel the same way about is thinking about me occasionally, calling to check up on me, and salivating over the next time he sees me.
I LOVE being kissed. Being pursued... Being wooed a bit... WITHOUT all the baggage of a relationship.

I enjoy the anticipation and excitement of being with my guy 'friend', when those times come. Sometimes it's a casual meeting, and sometimes it's fireworks. Whichever mood strikes. We hang out, sometimes just chill, all around enjoy each other and then... we part ways, and it's out of my system, and can I go back to trying to conquer the world, my mind totally free and clear of emotional nonsense. I don't worry about the what, when, where and why of anything regarding him. I don't have to!

If all relationships really could be that simple, I'd have one, but they're not, and so I just have no desire to be in one. I come home at night, lock my door, plop down on my comfy couch and not one line of worry crosses my face. Except about the bills! ;)
People always ask why I look so young, what am I doing. "I stay single" is my reply!
You betcha! ;)

I like the dynamic that goes on between men and women. There are elements of it that I really enjoy. But just like at a buffet, I just prefer to pass on certain selections on that menu. Like, having to worry about what someone is thinking all the time. Now, here's the part where my mother would say "well, life is just not like that!". Well, for me, it is! I make the rules! ;)

I know that I'm a woman ahead of my time on that. Many of my friends are either married, looking to be married, or are in relationships that take up SO much of their energy and spirit that I pity them, actually.... Many of my girlfriends are in unhappy relationships, but are so afraid of being ALONE and MANLESS (the social stigma for women aka "what's wrong with you?"), that they put up with all kinds of crap just to be able to say that they have someone.... Sad. And NOT my cup of tea!
But a core few of us get it.... the joy of singledom! Being able to do it successfully and happily is an art. Only a few can master it. And I have...

So.... How will I be spending the holidays? A couple parties, a visit to my brother, his wife and my 2 nieces and nephew in the Bronx (my surrogate kids - I get to spoil them and be the cool auntie that teaches them how to roller blade, throw a football, snowboard and build their own websites), a couple nights with my banker friend, and a whole lotta optimism for the upcoming year! Who gets what I'm talkin' about here? Talk to me, single, happy people! Seriously! I'm gonna have me some balls to the wall fun over these holidays! Aren't you?

For all of you that are married, in relationships and enjoying the holidays with your children, know that I get that, too, and am not knocking it! Been there! It's just not for me!


For me, the BEST is yet to come! I believe that with all my heart and soul.
Whether you're single, married, with a house full of kids, or still just figuring it all out....

Happy Holidays, everyone! :D


The Fitness Diva Friday, December 26, 2008  

yummy411 http://www.blogger.com/profile/12969641019473417770

happy holidays! i love your list which sounds so like me, which scares me about getting married,
but i still have the idea that i 'think' i do want to be married =((



I've been married close to ten years now, and do not have to step into the next room when I have gas.
That's why I bought a dog, to blame it on him.

Merry Christmas!

December 22, 2008 8:11 AM

Health And Weight Loss/ Avy

lol!! @ Paul

Hey Diva,

I've been married for 5 years now and also have 2 kids. We have our ups and downs (who doesn't),
but our marriage is growing stronger by the day.
You're right though, marriage is not for everyone.

Happy Holidays!!!

December 22, 2008 12:46 PM

The Fitness Diva

Lol, yummy... it might be for you, you never know! I'm just not a traditional girl wanting traditional things!
You will figure it out sooner or later...

LMAO, Paul! Damn! I never thought of getting a dog for that. Certainly would solve that problem!;)

Good for you, Avy. I know some happily married people, too.
It is work, though, and you have to want to do it. Many do find it worth all the effort it takes!
Happy Holiday to ya! :)

December 22, 2008 12:59 PM


Oh Diva, you made me laugh so hard I had tears! I loved your post. And don't let Paul kid ya.
He does step into another room to pass gas... and I HEAR IT! Bwahahahahahaha! So when he comes back into the room,
I say, "I HEARD THAT!" :) I hope you have a wonderful holiday. Merry Christmas! P.S. And another thing, blaming it
on the dog thing doesn't work. You can't mistake a dog fart! hehehehe

December 22, 2008 1:30 PM

Leo (Healthy Tips For A Healthy Lifestyle)

Interesting reading of being single. Well, I should know too, lol.

Hmm... You've been married for 10 yrs, and is now divorced... Did you marry at age 15 or something?!

December 22, 2008 2:12 PM

The Fitness Diva

LOL, Laura! It would have to be a really big dog, wouldn't it? ;)

Leo, I was married at the age of 12, actually! That's my story.... ;)

December 22, 2008 2:25 PM


Hi Fitness Diva,
When you get older, who will help take care of you? I really hope your banker friend sticks around, you just never know what plans God has for you. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! :-)

PS: Married life isn't so bad. I get to do anything I want to. Life is real good. Take good care! :-)

December 22, 2008 5:52 PM


Adding onto Pauls comment - we have a dog and it's also fun to take the blame for when the dog actually does it.

As long as your happy, then you're good to go. You shouldn't have to anything just because it's a traditional social issue.

Merry Christmas

Kt- contest prep

December 22, 2008 6:03 PM


Guess what? This is the longest blog post that I have ever read from the start to the end this year! LOL!

Anyway, knowing what to do with your own life and making your own choices and decisions are what living is all about...

Happy Holidays!!!

December 22, 2008 6:31 PM

The Fitness Diva

Robin...if your husband died today (God forbid), who would take care of you? You would, right? Right.

Being married and having someone in your life right now is no guarantee that they'll still be with you in your twilight years. Nothing is guaranteed.
I was just watching a documentary about these women with breast cancer, and among other things, it touched on how many of their husbands left them after they got mastectomies, or just one breast removed and began going through treatment. These men loved them, right? The missing breast shouldn't even matter. Who is going to take care of them? They are. They will take care of themselves.

Sorry, and don't mean to take you to task here, but I just don't think like you. I also don't think that your way of thinking about the future is realistic.
Optimistic? Sure.
But there's no guarantee that someone will be there to take care of you. If there is, then great. If not, then what?
I've never been a co dependent person, and will always trust that my decisions in life are the right ones. We are NOT all the same!

Glad that you are happy to be married!

Enjoy your holiday too! ;)

December 22, 2008 6:45 PM

The Fitness Diva

shaxx, I'm glad you took the time to read it! I have to admit, I did get a bit passionate about my subject and carried away here!

I promise to never blog another such long post again! At least not without cutting it short and putting "Read the rest here" to give you the option!
Take care! :)

December 22, 2008 6:50 PM


I enjoyed this post and certainly see why you are enjoying being single! I've been married for 20 years,
over half my life actually, and am very happy. To me what is important is having someone to share things with -
when you want to of course. Single and alone is totally different than single with friends and family around.
Your happiness shows through! Enjoy your holiday!

P.S. Good riddance to that ex who hated cats! =^..^=

December 22, 2008 6:55 PM

The Fitness Diva

Yes, Beaded, I have a great circle of like minded friends, who are supportive, my second family and who get it.
Some want to be hooked up for life, and others are just content to go with the flow.
That's the way it should be; to each his/her own.

LOL about the ex hating cats!

Yeah, well I got two cats now, so anybody that really wants me has to get through them first
(and they are NOT looking to share their Mommy! ;))

Happy Holiday to you and the babies!

December 22, 2008 7:27 PM


I'm with you! Was married, but now divorced for ohhh, like 18 years! It's an acquired taste for some people.
But I have many married friends who envy my lifestyle. Do what I want when I want to do it.
Have great friends to socialize with when I want. Men come and men go. And you're definitely right,
the only person you can depend on to take care of you is you.
Besides, no one would ever put up with my two dogs and two cats! Sometimes I even have trouble with that one!
Great post.
Enjoy the holidays!

December 22, 2008 9:46 PM

Leo (Healthy Tips For A Healthy Lifestyle)


December 22, 2008 11:11 PM


Marriage is not for everyone. Good for you that you figured it out early.
Some people shouldn't stay married but they're too afraid to be alone.
Btw, hubby does it whenever and wherever, and we don't have a dog. LOL
Merry Christmas! :o)

December 23, 2008 2:47 AM


Happy Holidays!

December 23, 2008 3:11 AM


Have a wonderful Holiday!

We think anyone who hates cats shouldn't be trusted!!!!! You made the right decision!!

Sniffie and the Florida Furkids

December 23, 2008 3:54 AM


hi diva, paul is so funny...i never thought of getting dog too. i am married for 2 years now.
i am happy and contented. it's your own choice what do you want to do in life.
i can do blogging while my husband playing his game.

December 23, 2008 6:23 AM


I loved this post! You just went all the way with your feelings and I love it!
This was a long post, but it didn't feel long as I read it :) I was enthralled.
I'm married, but I totally get what you are saying here. I loved being single and was single for quite a while.
As you said, people have different ideas of how they want to live their lives and that is how it should be.
You have a Merry Christmas Diva ;-)

December 23, 2008 8:08 AM


Hey Fitness Diva,
I know that none of us is guaranteed tomorrow. I wasn't just meaning my husband,
I was also thinking about my kids and just not being alone in life if I live to be old.
I didn't mean to step on your toes. I think it is great that you are happy.
Wishing you all the best in everything you do. Take good care and I enjoy reading your blog. Many Blessings For You! :-)

December 23, 2008 9:43 AM


Good for you, Miss Diva! It took me two marriages (the last one just now ending after 15 years--btw, I just moved from NC) and 45 years to come to the same conclusion. You are ahead of the curve!

Happy Holidays!

December 23, 2008 11:50 AM

miss tique

Happy holidays to you, too!

And keep up the spirit and the fun, as much as the realistic way of seing life.

Take care and order a vodka on the rocks for me at your next party. :P I will sure have one for you! :)

December 23, 2008 4:42 PM


Well, that's what a DIVA is all about...decorating her own soul, calling her own shots...and a right to change her
mind whenever she chooses to do so. I wish that all people would find their comfy space in life then maybe,
just maybe, they would be much nicer and interesting people. :-)

Keep on living life with passion!

December 24, 2008 1:32 AM

The Fitness Diva

I would just like to end the discussion with two of my favorite quotes:

"Always do what you want, and say what you feel, becaue those who mind don't matter,
and those who matter don't mind." - Dr seuss

"Wealth is the ability to fully experience life." - Henry David Thoreau

I know I said "end", but if anyone else wants to comment, feel free! It's not over til' the fit lady sings! :)

Theresa Sez Saturday, December 27, 2008  

Hey Diva I really love your new blog. Sometimes I wished I was single to. Because like you said you do what you want to do when you are ready to do it. Having to cook everyday work, clean do dishes I hate it. Only sometimes. Keep up the good work. Happy New Year!!!

janetplanet Saturday, December 27, 2008  

you rock and speak the truth for many of us single who people who take pity on us, Un-know to them, they're the ones we feel bad for since they miss out on a huge thing called "INDEPENDENCE"

Katina Monday, December 29, 2008  

Love, love, love this! Living the single life is great & carefree. I should know... but at the same time I'm still trying to figure it all out. Marriage scares me, but I think I still want it. LOL! But your list is awesome... I love being single for those same exact reasons!

Happy Holidays...

p.s. love the new blog. I actually keep up with your fitness blog on my blogroll, so this one is an added treat. Good luck with it.

NYC BMMA Fan Sunday, January 04, 2009  


Divorced for 10 years and almost re-married. How old are you?

BTW, Happy New Year!

Danielle Miller Monday, January 05, 2009  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Danielle Miller Monday, January 05, 2009  

Interesting read.

You put some good points accross about why it's great to be single. I'm a young mother and have been with my sons father for nearly 4 years now. I'm only 23 (shock horror) lol! I was single for over a year before meeting him. All in all I think there are good and bad points to being single and to being attatched. Keep doing your thing. Please check my blog when you get a chance


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